I feel bad for Michael Oher.

The story of Michael Oher has become legend among fans of the SEC. For those who haven't heard it, listen up: Michael Oher is a large homeless teenager living on the streets of Memphis. He is adopted by a rich white family that nurtures him. He discovers football and the fact that he's very large, and he gets a scholarship to go to Ole Miss, where he becomes an All-American.

His story has been turned into a terrific book called the Blind Side. There has also been a movie adaptation made.

And that's where the problem lies. I saw the trailer, and WOW, it's bad. I mean, like, really bad. I will refrain from embedding the trailer in this blog because it is REALLY REALLY BAD.

First off, the movie's Oher has zero character, and they never show him being aggressive or anything. They make him look so WEAK. FOR GOD'S SAKES HE'S A 350 LB BLACK MAN LIVING ON THE STREETS OF MEMPHIS. YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO MAKE HIM LOOK WEAK! Somehow, Oher becomes friends with this extremely annoying nine-year-old white kid (who is somehow unintimidated), and one rainy night, he and his mother spot him on the side of the road, and Sandra Bullock (she SUCKS, btw) immediately shoves Oher into her SUV and takes him to live in their house.

Now maybe it's just me, but wouldn't there be a little more distrust at first? This wealthy white woman is just going to let a massive black man living on the streets of Memphis into her house? That initial distrust between the family and Oher should have been included 1. because it makes more sense and 2. because it adds drama and tension to the film.

Then the film goes out of its way to include tons of cliches, like Oher weightlifting his nine-year-old best friend and Momma Bullock giving Michael a speech about how his team is so important, all of this set to an extremely cheesy soundtrack.

It's just so SAPPY. They took a gritty tale of determination and they Hollywooded the fuck out of it.

Okay, so I don't feel THAT bad for Michael Oher. He did play for the enemy (well, Auburn and Florida are the enemies and Ole Miss is like fourth-place on the enemy hierarchy, but LSU is Ole Miss's number one enemy) and he's a rich man now, being a first-round draft pick by the Baltimore Ravens. But still, when you turn a true-life story like this into a movie, usually it only happens once, and they really blew it.

Yeesh.